Discovery

It was on a Sunday afternoon that I discovered spandex. I had finished my afternoon cup of tea and was mentally preparing myself for a good jog. Thats right - I jog. But that dreaded "ghissa" - oh fearful ghissa... curse you!

For those of you unfamiliar with *ghissa* -I shall explain. When you run and sweat profusely (as I do), sweat inevitably trickles down your inner thighs. When you slow down and do some walking (i.e. take a break from the running) the sweat dries up very quickly. As the inner thighs rub against each other over this wet (but steadily drying) skin - you develop - "ghissa". Its a burn and it hurts like a mother. For several months now my timid mind has boggled over a solution to this exceedingly bothersome problem. And now I have found it - spandex!

Now now - its alright. Its not like I'm wearing nut-huggers and running around the streets in a yellow tight top and spandex-bicycle shorts. I wear regular basketball shorts over the spandex - and maintain a very decent sense of (ahem) man...li... umm... ness. (yeah... shut up).

Fact is spandex and me are friends now. Spandex was developed for a reason and after much reluctance -I have tested it. Ladies and gentlemen, my conclusion is as follows: A careful use of spandex (note -"careful" use...) is allowed - you can continue to respect yourself and have others respect you if you wear spandex and conceal it well enough (please find note of caution below).

Note of caution: I still do not condone running in nothing but spandex on the street, sweating... panting... heaving... bleah! NO! ohhhhh... and you know who you are. You are dangerously falling closer and closer to the category of - "guy who runs in ridiculously short speedo shorts and no shirt". Think of the trauma young children experience when the witness these atrocities of gross negligience... of a severe lacking in civic sense. Spandex is a useful tool but must be used wisely. Inappropriat eusage can cause tremendous and possibly irrepairable damage. So go my young grasshoppers - and experience spandex freely - but carefully...

(oh.. and Kareena Kapoor... yeah - spandex didn't exist when Ashoka was king - SO YOU CAN'T BE WEARING THAT SHIT AND DANCING WITH HIM ON A RAFT IN A MOVIE BASED IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME!

I mean seriously - they took Ashoka... put him no a wooden raft and made him dance with a girl in spandex... r-a-i-g-h-t... I'm sure thats what Ashoka was doing... you know... in between his strategic sessions planning his quest for world domination... "oh! you know what!?... a nice boat ride with a gori in spandex and some dancing will be fun..." ...bhenchot... khassi bana diya uska.)