antichrist...

I watched a show on the History Channel recently. T'was an on-going discussion about the concept of the AntiChrist. For those of you unfamilar with this term -simply put, a Christian manifestation from the New Testament of a soul (figure) who will lead mankind on its road to perdition. He (or she for my "equality for all" readers) will be treacherous to its fullest extent and trick humankind into believing he/she is the bringer of peace and unity while secretly plotting its demise. The "anti" Christ - as the name suggests may be taken literally. He/She is famed to have impeccable oratory skills with which he/she will woo crowds into following him/her on his.her path of unfathomable evil (unknowingly of course).

The show brought on famed historians with low brows (no doubt burdened by several degrees and accolades) who spoke of how historically, man has twisted and applied the term "Antichrist" to justify murder. For instance, Pilgrims referred to the Native American's as worshippers of the Antichrist. It aided them in wiping out an entire culture. Similarly, and in later years, Hitler was referred to as the Antichrist -mostly for his oratory skills and his knack for killing Jews (Christ's original people). Chengiz Khan - antichrist. So on and so forth.

Several margheritas down a few nights ago it struck me that these deeply religious and influenced people missed a prominent figure altogether. Christ himself! What better way for the famed son of Lucifer/Satan/The f*kin' Devil, to trick people than to pretend to be the son of God -a fake prophet if you will.

Before I continue, a disclaimer: I encourage individuals of all faiths to read on. These theories are merely logical theories (however irrational you may think them to be), they are explicitly mine and are a concoction of my devious mind. If you do not feel like you are ready for a good argument -I can suggest some wonderful light reading - "Tuesdays with Morrie" -an insightful and inspirational book that will revitalize your belief in man's innate ability to be good and more importantly do good. I wiped my ass-crack with it, shredded it and scattered its shit-stained portions across the East River.

Lets see the facts (mythological facts obviously). God creates angels. God loves angels. Lucifer is numero uno angel. God creates man - gives man a soul and a conscience. God loves man more than the angels. Lucifer is pissed off (understandably so) fights for his parents admiration -loses (of course... I mean you're fighting God - what did you expect?). Subsequently the First Angel becomes the First Fallen angel and the ruler of Hell. Who is the bane of his existence? Answer: Mankind. What better way to strike back at God? - Abolish mankind. Best way to twist the knife? Answer: Don't kill man yourself - make man kill himself.

Theory: Manifest yourself as the First Prophet for one religion but really the second or third for another religion (Christ) = cause a rift worth fighting for. Make sure you leave with a severe political statement of martyrdom. Manifest yourself on a recurring basis as prominent prophets or Gods for different faiths. As Man continues to gnaw on apples from the tree of knowledge - start manifesting yourself as trivial figures.

Take Gandhi for example. The dude was peaceful and spread the word of unity across the globe. But clearly died causing a rift between Hindus and Muslims. Pakistan vs. India. Simple and straightforward isn't it?

But the killer (as I've already mentioned) the spike through the heart - manifest yourself as the opposite of what you are defined as - CHRIST! Think of the number of wars and crimes carried out in the name of Christianity (whether it was people escaping the Church - i.e. the Pilgrims to the U.S. or those driving the Church's teachings -i.e. Crusades). Ultimately the extreme belief (note: "extreme" belief) in any religion coupled with man's innate hunger for power and glory - will inevitably lead to destruction.

Now I'm sure the more devout individual may read this and proclaim that I will be going to hell. Well if its all topsy-turvy and this theory of mine is right - then by NOT being tricked by Satan's offspring and NOT following Gandhi and Christ - don't I go to Heaven?

I know this theory is flawed. Not because I can quantify and identify the flaws but because I'm too fried to think more on it. However, it is this cyclical logic with in-built flaws that spur reactions, conversations, discussions and arguments - the ultimate goal being cheap thrills. And in the meanwhile if I piss off a few very devout individuals with this blasphemous blog... bonus points!